RN-Jaune-sus
by Insomniac Frog
Summary: RWBY, but Jaune has the ability to roll for "random crits" at will. One-shot, maybe. Due to popular demand and the fact that i now have a whole bunch of ideas, this will be a collection of shorts that won't necessarily be in chronological order.
1. Fair and Balanced

The infernal screeching of the monstrous bird echoed over the ruins in the forest. Eight heavily armed teenagers took cover behind the stone pillars that dotted the landscape.

Suddenly, a massive scorpion crashed through the forest, decimating the trees in its path. It was headed straight for two of the warriors-the same two that had previously managed to outrun it after unwittingly stumbling into its lair.

One of them, a tall boy with scraggly blonde hair and blue eyes quickly assessed the situation.

 _Okay,_ he thought to himself _there's eight of us in the middle of what is basically a wide open killing floor stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one side, in the air, we have a giant bird that can shoot feathers and on the other, on the ground, we have a giant scorpion to deal with._ He eyed the scorpion as it approached. _None of us have the firepower to take that thing down, so unless we were to organize some kind of over-complicated team attack, we're stuck with either running into the field and getting punched full of holes or…_

He looked down at his sword and shield and sighed. _It looks like I'm going to have to use_ that _if we're going to survive this insanity._ He shouted to a red headed girl armed with a grenade launcher.

"Nora! Can you distract the bird?" Nora gave a mock salute, and ran out into the middle of the field, firing arcing pink grenades in the general direction of the bird. It screeched and let loose a torrent of feathers that screamed as they flew through the sky.

 _Okay, now's my chance!_ Jaune thought to himself. He raised his sword and sprinted towards the scorpion. Behind him he could faintly hear his partner shouting at him, something about how he was going to die if he attacked the monster head on. He continued to ignore his partner's warnings as the scorpion paused for a moment, confused by the human charging towards it as if it had any chance of succeeding.

It pulled back the golden stinger, preparing to skewer the boy.

As he swung his sword at the bone white claws that were already rising up to protect the scorpions face, he focused his soul. Time slowed to a crawl. Jaune activated his semblance.

Everything was blank whiteness. The flat, featureless landscape seemed to stretch almost to forever, and it was difficult to tell where the horizon was. In the middle of this nothingness was a simple wooden table with two figures sitting in equally simple wooden chairs facing each other.

In one chair sat Jaune. He was hunched over the table as he fidgeted with something in his hands while his leg nervously bounced up and down.

Across from him sat an entity. A humanoid entity, with no hair, or eyes. The entity matched the purgatory-like landscape's color (or lack thereof), and would have been almost indistinguishable from it had it not been for a faint dark grey outline surrounding its figure. It sat back calmly with one leg crossed over the other.

"Well Jaune?" the entity asked "Even if I can't say 'I don't have all day', as I am immortal, this is getting boring" it complained. It leaned forward with a leering grin. "You should know by now that your little rituals will hardly improve your chances of getting what you want."

Jaune rolled the six sided die around in his fingers once more, eyeing the surface. He sighed resignedly.

"Okay. Alright. I'll go" he said. Cupping his hands, Jaune blew on the die one last time, (the entity would have rolled its eyes if it had had any) and with shaky hands, cast the die across the smooth surface of the table, his eyes locked on to every motion of the cube.

 _Please, just be a four. I'll settle for a five even, hell I'll settle for a one as long as it means I don't get a six. I just need enough to crack the armor, nothing more._

The white cube bounced around for what seemed like an eternity, before landing with a dreadful sense of finality.

Jaune's eyes widened in horror. The six pips looked up at him like mocking, beady black eyes. The entity grinned in amusement at Jaune's face of abject terror.

"Well now Jaune, looks like things are about to get a lot more interesting" it said, chuckling. Jaune held his head in his hands and looked once more at the die. The blank whiteness began to fade away as it was replaced by the lush green of the forest, and the deathly black of the massive creature standing right before him.

Jaune's sword seemed to move in slow motion, as a number hovered over him. Only he could see it, and only he knew what was about to happen as it sliced through the air towards the gargantuan scorpion's shell.

The second the sword touched the creature's carapace, a thunderous boom erupted as it was blown into tiny pieces by what seemed to be an incredible force emanating from Jaune's now glowing blade. It ripped through the creature like wet tissue paper, and reduced the ground to rubble and dust.

Miles away, on top of a cliff overlooking the forest, two people watched the events unfold on a screen. But they needn't have bothered with it, as they could see with their own eyes what had just happened.

They saw the solid arc of pure energy tear through the air before slowly dissipating into nothingness. They heard the explosion and felt the shock wave ripple through the ground.

The man with white hair raised an eyebrow at this sudden display of ridiculous power.

"I had always known that the Arc family was made of exceptional warriors but this…" he mused, as he raised his mug to his lips. The woman beside him could only shake her head in disbelief.


	2. Unlucky Number one

For the tenth time, another blast of flame slammed into Jaune's shield sending it flying backwards into his face. He groaned internally, and shook it off.

 _Why me?_ He ducked under another vicious straight punch and pushed forwards under Yang's guard. _Why do I have to be the one to fight Yang today?_ He bashed his shield into her exposed torso. She stumbled back, giving Jaune a little more breathing room.

 _Oh, that's right. Sparring partners are based on_ skill _._ He thought sarcastically. He tanked another blow on his shield. _And after all,_ I'm _the one who killed the Deathstalker in one swing._ Jaune tried for a swipe at the brawlers legs, but she quickly skipped backwards before the strike could connect. He spared a quick glance at the screen showing their respective aura levels.

Jaune Arc: 59%

Yang Xiao Long: 94%

"What's the matter Jaune?" she taunted "I thought you were supposed to be strong and all." Jaune sighed.

 _If only she knew._ He thought. _If only I could tell anyone._ A good chunk of the "incredible skill" described in his transcripts was just the product of his semblance and dumb luck. In actuality, Jaune was the worst fighter in the whole school, but his cherry picked transcripts coupled with his little stunt in initiation had painted him as some kind of legendary warrior who could cut down hordes of Grimm in a single swing of his sword, and while this was _technically_ true…

 _None of it is actually me._ All the while, Yang threw taunts and insults at him, trying to draw him out to make a mistake.

"C'mon Vomit Boy, hit me with your best shot!" she mocked.

 _Trust me Yang, you_ never _want to be on the receiving end of my "best shot"._ The risk of using his semblance against her was just too high. He could potentially kill her and demolish the building if he rolled a six. He shook his head. _No, the risk is too much. I can't-_ -As he was weighing his options, a fist slammed into his face, knocking him flat on his butt.

Jaune Arc: 30%

Yang Xiao Long: 94%

Oh.

Oh now it was on.

 _Okay y'know what you little-_ Jaune charged at her with a fearsome war cry, sword raised, and focused his energy into the blade. _I don't even care anymore, I don't even care what happens. All I want to see is that stupid smirk wiped off your face._ That was his last thought before he was back at the table.

"Huh. You know, now that I'm here I'm starting to think that this was a bad idea" he mused as he tossed the die from hand to hand. The entity laughed.

"Well, obviously" it chuckled. "But then again, when is using this excuse of a semblance _ever_ a good idea?" Jaune sighed.

"Well, hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I guess my only option now is to just hope for the best" he said, chucking the die across the surface.

 _Please be a five. A five or a four. That's all I ask._

The die landed.

On a one.

"Oh you gotta be shitting me" he groaned as he smacked his face into the table.

The white landscape faded away, and Jaune was back in the arena, his sword clanging against one of Yang's gauntlets. There was a brief, ominous silence before Yang spoke up.

"Huh. I feel great" she said, looking down at herself. "Feel like I could bench press an Ursa right now"

Jaune looked up at the screen in vain.

Jaune Arc: 30%

Yang Xiao Long: 100%

 _Goddammit._

A fist rocketed into his face and the world went black.


	3. Soul Crushing Regret

Pyrrha blinked in surprise. "Well that's an… interesting... semblance?" she offered. Jaune sighed. They were all sitting in a circle on the floor of their dorm.

After being with team JNPR for a few weeks, he had felt that he could trust them enough to tell them about his semblance. He was still building up the courage to tell team RWBY as well, but he figured he may as well spill to his own team first.

Nora frowned with a look of disappointment on her face "So you didn't really one shot that Deathstalker?" she asked. Jaune shrugged.

"Well I did kill it, technically" he argued. "I just had some...extra help." Ren gave him a doubtful look, and after a brief silence, spoke up.

"So you're basically a fraud" he stated in a deadpan, matter of fact voice. Jaune stammered over himself in an attempt to respond.

"W-Well I wouldn't go so far as to-I mean it's not _that_ bad-" he paused, and reconsidered. "Yeah. That about sums it up." Pyrrha looked at him thoughtfully.

"If you've been reliant on luck your whole life, your actual skill must be pretty underdeveloped" she mused, rushing out a hurried "No offense Jaune" Jaune shrugged.

"None taken" Pyrrha sighed inwardly with relief and continued hesitantly.

"Well, as your teammate..." Nora nudged her "I could, perhaps, if you'd like..." Nora nudged her again, harder this time. "I mean, if you really feel like you need it..." Nora smacked her face into Ren's shoulder, groaning something that sounded vaguely like " _hopeless"_ Pyrrha coughed awkwardly, composed herself and took a deep breath before finally asking.

"Would you like me to train you, Jaune?" The words tumbled out of her mouth as one long string. Jaune blinked in surprise.

 _One would think she was about to ask me out or something._ He thought inwardly. Outwards though, he said, quite simply: "Sure. That'd be great. Thanks Pyrrha." Nora grinned.

"But before you do that, can you just show us your semblance one more time? I wanna see what all the other numbers do!"

xxx

Jaune took a deep breath as readied his sword. He was facing a robotic training dummy which they had "appropriated" from the training arena and snuck outside in the middle of the night for Jaune to beat up on without the danger of incurring Glynda's wrath.

Nora cheered enthusiastically, while Ren and Pyrrha looked on with intense concentration. All of them were a good 20 meters away behind a log, just in case.

"Here goes nothing…" he muttered. He charged, raised his sword, and brought it down on the dummy's head with the intention of bisecting it. He closed his eyes and focused his semblance into the blade's edge as he swung.

Jaune didn't hesitate, eagerly rolling the die the second he appeared back at the table. The entity was somewhat surprised by this and looked on with mild amusement without saying anything. The die bounced across the smooth wooden surface. Two pips looked up at him from the table.

 _It's been a long time since I've rolled a two._ He mused. _Forgot what it does. Oh well. Guess I'll find out._

There was a small " _pop"_ sound followed by a rather strange _"thunk"_ as his sword impacted something.

 _Huh?_ He thought. _That doesn't sound right. Those dummies are made of metal. Should be more of a "clang" if anything._

Jaune raised his head slowly and opened his eyes to see what had happened. The world came into focus. He was in a small office dimly lit by a single lamp. His sword appeared to be lodged halfway into a stack of papers haphazardly piled on top of a large desk which was cluttered with many similar looking stacks of papers.

Behind the desk sat a very familiar looking blonde woman, who paused in her writing and slowly looked up at him. She slowly extracted her glasses from her face and looked directly at Jaune with piercing green eyes that promised pain and suffering.

"Mr. Arc" she said through gritted teeth. "To what to I owe this pleasure?"

Jaune looked on in fear as he watched the metal pen in her hands bend and snap into two pieces before clattering onto the desk's surface.

 _She didn't even use her semblance to do that._

 _There are no words that can describe the regret I'm feeling right now,_ he thought as he gulped in fear.


	4. Jaune-dice

Cardin Winchester flew through the air above the Emerald Forest, the wind buffeting his face, forcing his eyes shut. As he descended the ground rushed closer and closer.

 _Damn,_ he thought to himself as he braced his legs. _This is going to be a rough landing._

Cardin slammed into the ground, aura reinforcing his legs and greaves. A small crater formed, kicking up a sizable cloud of dust. He stumbled out of the cloud, coughing as he brought his mace up, ready to face any Grimm that may have noticed him. After briefly listening for any Grimm, he proceeded towards the relics which he and his fellow students were tasked with retrieving at a brisk pace.

Suddenly, he paused as he heard a low growl from behind him. He quickly pivoted and raised his mace menacingly. From the brush he saw two angular glowing red eyes. Without warning, the Beowulf leapt at him, claws poised to slash at Cardin's exposed face.

Cardin smoothly stepped to the side of the monster. As it passed by he raised and swung his mace overhead in a practiced motion, bringing it down on the middle of it's back. It's spine bent backwards and snapped into. It crashed into the ground in a heap, and faded into nothing.

Cardin continued walking.

So far, initiation had been going very smoothly for Cardin. He had landed with almost no problem and killed several small Grimm on his way to the relics, and he had managed to keep on course towards the temple, save for a few times where he had to reorient himself after fighting Grimm.

As he hiked through the forest, he began to hear sounds of combat to his left.

 _Perfect._ He thought as he walked over to find a lithe boy with green hair in a spiked mohawk. They wrenched a pair of curved daggers from the ursa's corpse, letting the black blood disintegrate before sheathing them. Cardin walked up to him with a hand raised in greeting.

"Cardin" he said simply. "You?" The mohawk-person turned towards him.

"Russel" he replied "Russel Thrush."

The two boys stalked quietly through the trees. No words passed between them, as both were on high alert for Grimm. Suddenly, Russel stopped in his tracks. Cardin dropped into a combat stance.

"What is it?" he hissed, a split second before he was cut off-almost quite literally-by whatever "it" was.

"It" turned out to be a huge scything arc of energy that sliced between the two, passing by in a split second and rending the earth and trees as it carved through the ground. Just after the initial "what the hell" shock had worn off, they were immediately thrown backwards by the sudden gust of wind that followed shortly after.

Cardin slowly got back on his feet, groaning while shaking his head. Once he had recovered, he turned towards where the energy had emerged from; the path of destroyed foliage and torn earth gave him a clear line of sight to the scrawny blonde knight who appeared to be the source.

Cardin's eyes narrowed. He'd had an almost perfect run so far, and this little punk was going to show him up? His teeth ground together as he fumed with rage. Revenge was in order.

xxx

 _Here he comes again._ Jaune could only watch as Cardin approached. For the past month, ever since initiation, Cardin had been slowly whittling Jaune down with a steady stream of harassment. Everywhere he walked, a foot was ready to trip him, and every time he fought Cardin in combat class, Cardin would always be unrelentingly brutal in his attacks.

Cardin steadily stalked towards him amidst the throngs of students as they walked to their classes. As they got closer, Jaune saw him angle himself so that his shoulder would impact with Jaune's left. With Jaune at an obvious weight disadvantage, he would undoubtedly be knocked off his feet.

 _Here he comes_ he thought, as he desperately braced himself for impact. After a few seconds of feeling nothing Jaune opened his eyes to a blank white landscape. _Huh?_

"No" he said, "nonononono" his mutters growing louder and louder as he panicked. "Why am I here?" he asked.

"The answer should be pretty obvious" the thing said. "You activated your semblance on accident." Jaune's eyes narrowed.

"Send me back" he growled "Now." the entity raised its hands in a shrug.

"You know I can't do that Jaune" it said indifferently. "There's only one way out of here." Jaune dragged the chair out and plopped into it, hands slamming against the table in fury.

"Fine" he snapped "I'll do it" he said, snatching up the die. He shook it around in his hands in a futile attempt to avoid killing Cardin. As much as he hated the guy he still didn't want to murder him.

The die slipped between his fingers and tumbled across the table. It rested on one edge, Cardin's fate balanced for half a second between life and death. After a tense, agonizing second, the die tipped over onto the four. Jaune breathed a sigh of relief, and then he was back in the hallway.

Jaune's shoulder glowed a dull white as Cardin's smashed into his. Cardin was knocked back with a resounding _bang_ and a flash of light. A spiderweb of cracks formed in the wall as he slammed into it. Jaune stood there in shock for a second as a circle formed around him, the crowd muttering amongst themselves.

 _Quick...think of something cool!_ He desperately searched through his memories and sifted through years of action movie one liners. _Wait… shit. Come to think of it I actually remember what a four does now._ He quickly pivoted in the opposite direction on his heel and awkwardly speed walked away while still trying to look cool.

 _Any second now…_ He resisted the urge to look back as he saw an ominous glow emanating from Cardin in the corner of his vision.

He felt an explosion followed by a shock wave that nearly popped his eardrums. A surge of heat almost swept him off of his feet, but he just barely managed to keep his balance as he walked away humming to himself.

 _Nailed it_

 **I know it's been a long time since the last chapter but I had to take a break from writing for a while because school. Also I've been writing another story which should be out by next week.**

 **I'm sorry about the title for this chapter. The pun was too tempting.**


	5. Cooking with Jaune

"It's two in the morning Jaune. What are you doing?" Ren asked. Jaune froze awkwardly before quickly snapping his head towards his bewildered teammate. He slowly slid the tray in the oven before slamming the door shut.

"Ah, well, y'see, Ren I was… just doing some cooking" Ren gave him an unimpressed look.

"With dice" he deadpanned. Jaune looked around for a moment before attempting to explain exactly why he was cooking dice in the oven at two in the morning.

"You know how my semblance involves rolling a die?" Ren nodded, and gestured for him to continue. "Well, I noticed that I keep all the stuff I carry on my person with me when I go to that weird limbo purgatory place so…" He looked around fervently before rushing over to Ren and hurriedly whispering into his ear. "I was going to try and make some cheat die" Ren suddenly coughed and crinkled his nose with disgust.

"Jaune, they're burning. Or melting" Jaune chuckled.

"Don't be silly Ren it's all part of the process. I read it on wikipedia" Ren shrugged and walked back to his bed.

"Whatever you say Jaune" he said before flopping back into his bed. Jaune blinked.

"Huh?" he turned back and peered into the oven. Sure enough, he could see some of the die start to sag. "SHIT" he exclaimed, yanking the door open. He out the tray with one hand while desperately attempting to wave away the acrid scent of burning plastic with the other. He climbed onto the table and hurriedly unscrewed the smoke detector from the ceiling in order to avoid waking up the rest of his team, a skill that all of JNPR had become familiar with while living with Nora (she had attempted to make pancakes herself when Ren wasn't able. It never went well).

Jaune set the tray of dice down on the table, carefully inspecting them to see which one was the least burnt. There were six of them, one for each number. Numbers six, five, and two appeared to be salvageable, while the rest were burnt beyond recognition. Jaune nodded to himself, slightly pleased with his handiwork. All he needed now was to finish the other three.

From an unknown location, the entity observed Jaune and laughed to itself, amused by his attempts to cheat.

xxx

Jaune was ready. He had all six loaded die in his pocket and knew exactly which ones were which from how they felt. He could swap out the die with his own loaded versions in the blink of an eye. Fast enough that he had managed to cheat Yang. It was time.

 _Later_

"Honestly, Jaune, what do you think I am?" Jaune looked down with dismay at the single pip displayed before him.

"I don't understand...I practiced for weeks" he stuttered. The entity leaned forwards.

"And you really thought I didn't know what you were up to? I'll ask again, what do you think I am?" Jaune threw his hands up in frustration.

"I dunno, an asshole?" the entity laughed.

"True, perhaps, but not exactly the answer I was looking for. I'm sure you've heard of the story of the two brothers right? Light and dark and all that?" Jaune nodded slowly. The entity frowned.

"Well you obviously haven't, but the general gist is there's two gods who are brothers, they don't get along because light and dark, blah blah blah, conflict happens, they create humans. What most people leave out of their stories about gods is me" it gestured a thumb towards its chest. "I am, in a sense, the god of what you call "luck"" Jaune's eyes widened.

"But-" the entity continued.

"Because what is "luck" really?" Jaune started to answer but the entity cut him off again. "Rhetorical question. Luck is, in essence, all the little things that humans can't completely control in a situation. The grain of the table, how much you move your hand. With enough practice, maybe you could roll a die the same way every time, but really, the amount of time that would take would be absurdly long. I control the little things" it grinned with a smug satisfaction. "Those two brothers may have created you humans, but I'm the one that gets to control you." Jaune was left in shock as he tried to process all these revelations.

"Wait, so you're telling me-" but for the third time, he was cut off.

"You've been here for far too long. Time to go, Jaune"

"But I still have so many questions!"

"Too bad. Have fun with Cardin"

Jaune was transported back into combat class, just to feel Cardin's mace smack him upside the head and get knocked out for the umpteenth time.


	6. D20

"What the _hell_ is that thing?" Jaune demanded. On the table sat a black die with with white pips… and twenty sides.

"Well, it's been five years since you discovered this semblance" it explained. "I thought you would like a little change in pace."

"A change in pace is right!" he exclaimed. " _Twenty_ sides? How many insane effects are there going to be now?"

"Ah don't worry about it" it replied. "This one won't have any effects. It just determines how successful you'll be" it leaned in "And the best part is that you can apply it to more than just your strikes now" Jaune blinked.

"Huh?"

"Well, before you could just power up your attacks, but now you can affect just about anything" it said enthusiastically. Jaune frowned.

"I'm...not sure I follow" he said. The entity sighed.

"Well, you could apply it to… say cooking. Roll a one, you burn everything. Roll a twenty, you get a five star dish" Jaune rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he contemplated the new possibilities with this newfound ability.

xxx

"Aw crap"

Jaune Arc whimpered in fear and dread as the one and only Glynda Goodwitch of Beacon Academy stalked towards their food covered bodies. The food fight between teams RWBY and JNPR had turned the dining hall into a warzone, littered with upturned tables and scraps of food. Multicolored stains from various food items covered almost every surface, including themselves. Someone would have to clean it all up.

That someone was standing right in front of them. Said someone also had the power to flatten a fully grown Ursa with a flick of their wrist.

If looks could kill, all eight of them would be nothing more than a smoldering pile of ashes.

 _We're dead we're dead we're dead we're dead we're dead we're dead…._ Jaune panicked as he looked frantically around for any sign of help, but all of the students had fled the scene the moment the first pie had been thrown. None of the other teachers were in sight, not that any of them would have been capable of suppressing Glynda's wrath anyways.

In a last ditch attempt to avoid the severe trauma that her dark gaze promised, Jaune turned to his semblance.

Moments later, just as she stood in front of them, his semblance activated. Jaune felt the words bubble up into his throat, like he was about to burp. He felt his mouth move on its own just as Glynda started to speak.

"What do you have to say for your-"

"Go screw yourself" he uttered, before he immediately clapped his hand over his mouth. The rest of team JNPR and RWBY turned towards him in shock and utter disbelief, mouths gaping. Even Ren, known for his level headedness, could not contain his surprise at his normally shy and socially awkward leader saying such a thing to _Glynda Goodwitch._

Her face turned various shades of red and purple, when suddenly, she flicked her crop upwards, sending Jaune careening towards the ceiling. He flew through the same hole caused by Yang.

He crashed back down, forming a second hole in the ceiling a minute later.


	7. Smooth like sandpaper

_You ever get that feeling like someone is watching you?_ Jaune pondered as he weathered another blast of ice. He glanced up at the scoreboard displaying his and Weiss's auras.

Jaune Arc: 60%

Weiss Schnee: 96%

 _But not in a good way like a guardian angel._ A glyph appeared under him, sending him skywards. _More like some sort of cruel god laughing at you._ Using her own glyph, Weiss launched herself at him like a human missile. Jaune grunted in pain as the tip of her rapier quickly stabbed at the middle of his armor several times, putting his aura in the red.

' _Cause I'm getting that feeling right about now._ His eyes narrowed as he went through his options.

The problem was that Weiss simply out-ranged him. She could keep flinging dust attacks at him all day long since Jaune had no ranged weapons to speak of. The glyphs provided her with unmatched mobility and control over the battlefield, and if he-somehow-managed to get in close, she still had the sword.

Jaune had a sword, a shield, some forged transcripts, and the most unreliable semblance on Remnant.

 _I need to close the gap_ he thought. _If I can get within grappling distance I can do some real damage; a rapier isn't exactly an up close kind of weapon. I still have the shield bash, or I could use the pommel. Weiss isn't trained for that kind of stuff._

Now all he had to do was dodge the dust attacks, avoid the glyphs, and get past a highly trained rapier wielder. Easy as pie. Except Jaune sucked at making pies.

 _Jaune took a deep breath._

 _I wanna be good at parkour_ he thought as he reached into his soul.

He started forwards… and slipped on a patch of ice, putting his aura level just below the threshold.

He wasn't sure what was more depressing: rolling a one, losing, or the fact that no one had noticed anything different when he rolled a one in agility and lost.

 **I'm not dead. Surprise. Also happy late New Years.**


	8. A Fail-proof Plan

The four members of team BRNZ coughed as they got back on their feet in the aftermath of Nora's destructive attack. Clouds of dust and the acrid scent of spent dust filled the air. The crowd roared, and Jaune felt the rush of victory close at hand.

"This is it guys, let's finish them with team attacks!" he declared, raising his sword triumphantly "Ren, Nora, flower power!"

"Wait what?"

Jaune dejectedly looked back at his team's befuddled faces. "Flower power. That's your team attack name" he explained.

"Since when?" Ren asked. Jaune looked at him, scandalized.

As JNPR bickered over their team attack names, Team BRNZ recovered, and they would have launched an attack had they not been so utterly confused by their enemy completely ignoring them in favor of arguing over catchphrases.

"HEY!" their leader shouted with indignation. "What do you think you're doing?"

Jaune, caught up in the argument, shouted back with equal indignation. "Trying to have a team meeting, thank you very little" he said, exasperated. Shocked by his blatant ignorance, the leader of team BRNZ was taken aback for a moment before shouting back.

"WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT!"

Jaune whipped back around. "AND WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION WHAT DON'T YOU GET ABOUT THAT?" he turned back to his teammates. _Honestly_! He thought. _What a jerk!_

"Um, Jaune?" Pyrrha tentatively inquired. Jaune sighed.

"Yes Pyrrha?"

"I think he means that we're _all_ in the middle of a fight"

Jaune slowly snapped out of his self righteous rage and looked up to the sound of the crowd roaring for blood.

 _Oh._ He frowned, looking around. Jaune gave a heavy sigh. _Can this just end already?_ Suddenly finding himself worn out, he decided to just try to use his semblance to end the fight as quickly as possible.

 _Holy hell I rolled an eighteen!_ He mentally fist pumped.

 _Now what would be the best strategy here?_ he wondered, when the answer snapped into his mind, clear as day. He frowned, confused.

 _Something's off..._ he muttered to himself. _There's no way that's right._ He shrugged.

 _Eh, whatever. Who knows, it might work._

"Nora" he said. "Just...hit 'em with the hammer" The valkyrie's eyes narrowed.

"Got it" she said with glee, launching herself towards team BRNZ like a cannonball. She formed a crater as she landed squarely in front of their shocked faces, swinging her massive warhammer like a baseball bat.

And with that mighty blow, she sent all four of them rocketing out of the arena to splat against the transparent dome like bugs on a windshield.

 _Well alrighty then._ Jaune thought, satisfied. _I guess it all worked out in the end._ He triumphantly strode out of the arena with his team.

 _I oughta use that strategy more often._


	9. 20 years later

It had been thirty years since he, along with team RWBY and what remained of team JNPR had taken down Salem, Queen of the Grimm and ended the Grimm threat. Humanity had prospered, they had all been lauded as heroes.

He was known as the Knight of Beacon, Saviour of Vale. It was Jaune who had single handedly wiped out thousands of Grimm with a single sword strike, and it was he who had landed the final killing blow on the Grimm Queen herself.

 _Please!_ Jaune screamed to himself _Someone get me out of here!_

"Are you sure this is the right channel?" Ruby frowned.

"Of course I'm sure. Don't doubt your big sister" Yang admonished.

"Oh, look there he is!" Nora exclaimed.

Jaune was sitting an ostensibly comfy armchair across from Stephen Cobalt*, Vale's most famous late night talk show host. Jaune shifted awkwardly as he attempted to appear casual in his full set of armor while boiling under the blazing studio lights.

 _I really hope_ they _aren't watching this right now._

All of teams RWBY and JNPR were crowded around the television in Nicholas Arc's home for the express purpose of watching Jaune on a late night talk show.

"Ha!" Yang cackled. "They made him wear his full set of armor on stage!"

"Oh dear" Ren mused. "He must be getting cooked alive"

"So Jaune," he started. "I think we're all curious to know, how did you do it?" Stephen asked. Jaune chuckled in a way that he hoped sounded confident.

 _Just get lucky and get some bullshit semblance,_ he thought. "Oh you know" he said, waving a hand. "I couldn't have done any of it without the help of my friends" _please just leave it at that_ he begged internally. _I don't know how much longer I can keep this up and it's only been three minutes._

"D'aww that's nice of him" Nora said.

"How modest" Stephen dryly noted. "Which is funny because I don't really see any statues of them around."

Jaune facepalmed inwardly. Of course. The marble statue. Of him. Wearing armor, striking a heroic pose. Squarely in front of Beacon Academy.

Nora frowned. "Yeah, where's my statue at?" she demanded.

"Don't end sentences with prepositions Nora" Ren automatically corrected.

"Where's my statue at, asshole" she amended.

Yang instinctively clapped her hands over Ruby's ears.

He had never asked for a statue, and he had never received any notice that the ten meter tall behemoth was being built in the first place. It had seemingly appeared overnight, replacing the statue depicting a generic huntsman and huntress that used to stand there.

He nervously chuckled in an attempt to laugh it off. _Oh please Monty above just let it go._

Weiss arched an eyebrow. "Smooth" she commented.

Mercifully, he moved onto the next question.

The torture would continue for another ten minutes, as Jaune was slowly degraded to a sweaty nervous wreck. Every aspect of his personal life was picked apart and put under a microscope, all in front of a live studio audience with tens of cameras focused on him.

When he finally returned to his father's house, ragged and weary, he threw the door open only to be greeted with the sounds of teams RWBY and JNPR laughing. He froze, turned, and attempted to slowly ease the door shut when it inevitably squeaked.

"HIYA JAUNE!" Nora yelled.

 _And here it comes._ He groaned internally, and prepared himself for another hour of ribbing at the hands of his closest allies.

 ***I needed a generic talk show host person name that fit with RWBY's color name scheme**

 **A bit of a departure from how this fic usually goes. Yes, I am aware that I blow at writing dialogue.**


End file.
